Grounding isn’t about convincing yourself you’re fine. It’s about giving your brain and body something useful to do when anxiety is loud.
Anxiety has a way of pulling our attention away from what is actually happening and toward what might happen, what something could mean, or what we need to do RIGHT NOW to make the feeling stop.
Sometimes the most helpful first step isn’t solving the problem. It’s finding some solid ground in order to figure out what actually needs your attention.
Different things work for different people—and even for different anxious moments. Consider testing these out for yourself.
1. Look around
Anxiety can make your world very small, very quickly. Deliberately notice what is actually around you.
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
Or make it simpler. Find three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can physically feel.
The exact numbers aren’t important. (Honestly, I just hold out my hand and try to think of which senses I could name the most answers for as I count down!) The point is to redirect some of your attention toward concrete information about where you are and what’s happening right now.
2. Give your body something else to notice
Press your feet firmly into the floor. Notice where your body meets the chair. Hold something cool for a few seconds. Stretch your hands and notice the sensation.
Physical sensations can give your attention somewhere to go besides the internal alarm.
You aren’t trying to force yourself to calm down. You’re simply giving your brain some additional information to pay attention to.
3. Name what’s happening
Try something simple and accurate:
“I’m feeling anxious right now.”
Or:
“My brain is telling me something bad is about to happen.”
That’s different from trying to convince yourself, “Everything is fine!” when you very much do not believe everything is fine.
Naming anxiety for what it is can create a little space between having an anxious thought and treating that thought as a fact.
4. Try slowing your breathing
Some people find breathing exercises incredibly helpful. If that’s you, try slowing your breathing and allowing your exhale to be comfortable and unforced.
You can also try box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold for four. Or slowly and deeply breathing in a DOUBLE inhalation before breathing out—can be very helpful since we tend to have shallow breathing when we are most anxious.
What’s also very important to remember: you do not have to breathe perfectly.
For some people, concentrating closely on breathing actually makes them more anxious. If you’re anxiously monitoring whether you’re doing your calming exercise correctly, try something else. There is no prize for successfully counting your breaths.
5. Ask: “What is actually happening right now?”
Anxiety is very good at skipping ahead.
What if this happens? What if they meant that? What if I can’t handle it? What if this gets worse?
Try bringing yourself back to the present:
What do I actually know right now?
Is there something I need to do right now—or is my brain trying to solve something that hasn’t happened yet? How can I welcome this emotion instead of resisting it?
Sometimes there really is a problem that needs your attention. Grounding isn’t about ignoring it. It’s about getting steady enough to respond to the problem you actually have instead of every possible version of what could happen next.
What if none of this works?
That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Grounding is a tool. It isn’t a cure for anxiety, and the goal isn’t necessarily to make every uncomfortable feeling disappear.
This is also something you can talk about with your therapist. What happens when you become anxious? What have you tried? What helps—even a little? What seems to make it worse? Sometimes figuring out your patterns is more useful than collecting another list of coping skills.
If anxiety frequently feels overwhelming, keeps you from doing things you want or need to do, leads to panic, or takes a lot of your energy to manage, therapy can also help you look at what’s underneath it.
Sometimes we need better tools for anxious moments.
And sometimes we need to understand why the alarm keeps going off in the first place.